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“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

 

When people ask me, what would I like to be? Have I figured myself out? Do I know where am I headed? I am headed everywhere and nowhere, me, I want to be everything. Me I want to squeeze in as many stories and mini-lives that I can in this big life. I don’t want to be just one thing. I want what all men want, I just want it more

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we were lovers at first sight,

you are everything I have done right

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Its Dusshera, and the country is mercilessly going to put the man with the ten heads along with two men from his kin on fire. See, putting people on fire is our form of crucification . You might even argue it is equivalent to lynching if not crucifying. For the nobel must be crucified and the evil must be lynched. But we’ve moved on to the electric chairs, for now.

But for now, Burn Ravan Burn

As much as the air pollution it causes, people view Dusshera as the triumph of the righteous virtuous Ram over the evil Ravan.

The short of it is, Ravan abducted Ram’s boo Sita only after Laxman (Ram’s loyal brother) cut off Ravan’s sister’s, Supankha’s nose while she was trying to seduce him. Bitch please, even though I find it kinda sexist that he would try to get even with Ram by taking it out on Sita, atleast he was an awesome brother.

 https://medium.com/@kayra.k/burn-ravan-burn-6857440ca1c4

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Some months ago my father got a heart attack.

I vividly remember what caused it. Me.

My father loves me and to a fault. I am spoilt. Overprotected. Over-demanding. Basically every baggage that comes with being overly adored, I have checked that in. So after a rough few months I decided to pack my bags and capitalize on my somewhat exotic looks, even in India, I know am not the prettiest chick, but you’d give me a double take, I decided to go to the city of dreams, for an audition for a hush* a tv show. After a not so intricate selection process they scouted me and asked me to come to Mumbai for an audition, it was the next day, I didn’t have enough time to tell my parents in advance, and thus began my hours of persuasion. It came as a complete shock to them that their daughter would want to do anything with the showbiz, let’s face it I ain’t that vain. You could say I am no aware of if I am good looking, but I am, only I also realize its very very temporary.

He let me book my flight, and offered to drive me to the airport. Only he was found passed out in the bathroom at 3 am. It disturbed me. It was in the back of my head. I took the flight anyway, got there, realized what I was getting into. Sweet talked the director to cut off my audition footage to be ever aired on tv. I wanted nothing to do with that life. 15 days later my father actually had a heart attack. This time I was there to take him to the hospital. Things change, when you strut around a CCU.

Things really change when you know a loved one has a weak heart. When the doctor warns don’t give him “stress” and keep his cholesterol in check. You start viewing every situation as a potential threat. You talk a sibling out of moving in with the boyfriend, even though you know there’s nothing morally wrong with that. You start looking at your own choices, in terms of career and men among other things. You resent everyone who brings in tasty food at home. Your parent becomes your child.

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Diamond I am not

ugh the shattered rose colored glasses
but mine they spread like crystal, look!
the difference between glass and crystal is thus
when one breaks it causes just bleeds
when the other does, it still gleams
I don’t break, I shatter
and even when I shatter, I still gleam
because my heart, it wasn’t made of glass
it was crystal 

 

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he looks at me like I’m magic
oh honey, but this is just tragic
do you ever wonder why
or is your love too strong for both of us
too strong
too enough
I am a barren woman
barren and broken hearted
I cannot help it
I wish I could
I live, rigged in my reality
I live, rigged from my reality
but you, you are like magic
so full of life
that for once, I do not despise
I have everything but nothing at all
you have less and more than I thought
but baby, stop looking at me like I’m magic
cause I’m really not
for what will happen when your rose colored glasses accidentally fall?
you will really see me for who I am
it may make me sad but it will make you sadder

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my hair will grey
aah the skin it will all sag
but I swear I shall not be sad
at the fallacy of my youth
that which I have if at all
the sanity of my mind
I shall be sans
then I will need ya’ll to make me remember
who I am and who I was
the girl I used to be
the woman I am yet to be
somethings you just better to believe
sometimes you just have to heave

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