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There are more ways to feel the burn of racism than just the direct one, when one person from one race or faith decides to date another, they also face a type of racism.

In my dating history, not deliberately, yet I have dated across religions and races. I think the only time a woman or a man gets deliberate is when they choose to date their own race, or just one race. And even then, its is personal preference and it should be left to them. While I date the person I want to, I seem to piss off others. I do not understand this recurring phenomena, yet I face this every time. Its been some 50 years since the civil rights moment and some 70 since India has been declared a secular state. Yet, whenever I find myself dating a black, a muslim or a white guy, I find some people ridiculing me. I find people even telling me that I will be punished by own kind, for dating these “others”. It is hateful, and it should stop. What two people decide to date should totally be upto them and should be their business. But here are common insults I get. 

When I date a black/african guy:

1. She likes it big

2. She has no standards

3. You can never marry “that”

4. Find someone of quality

5. (somebody pushed me, yes, actually pushed me)

6. Mama likes chocolate

7. How is your nigga?

8. If you ever marry him, don’t be surprised if he has another baby mama in another state

9. They always cheat

10. Find someone of quality, find someone of your own
11. I had respect for her, then I saw her with him

12. He’s just her fetish
13. Your kids will have no faith, what will you teach them? They will be confused about their identities
14. Why him?

When I date a muslim guy:

1. She likes it circumcised

2. Isko kya chahiya, katta lund aur muh mai allah (what does this one want, she wants a circumcised dick and someone who says Allah)

3. What are you going to be, wife number 2? 

4. You know some of them only go for non-muslim women just so they can convert them 

5. Find someone from your own faith

6. I can date anyone, but I can never date a muslim, why are you bent on ruining your life, your parents will cut you off 

7. Your kids will have no faith, what will you teach them? They will be confused about their identities

8.Why him?
When I date a white guy: 

1. She is a sellout 

2. He is into colored women 

3. Why can’t you find someone from your own race

4. White men eventually cheat

5. Your marriage with a white guy will never last

6. Atleast this is better than dating a black guy, a muslim guy or a mixed breed 

7. You are not white you know

8. Your kids will be so pretty 

9. She thinks she is white

10. She is not happy about who she is and where she comes from 

11. She is trying to marry up the foodchain 
12. She’s one of “those”

13. You are just his fetish

 
14. Your kids will have no faith, what will you teach them? They will be confused about their identities

15. Why him?

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Hi, I date inter-racially.

And when I do, I reach your probing eyes, sometimes you smile because you are happy that people like me exist, sometimes you are trying to keep a straight face, and I can see that. I get dirty looks too. And if you are someone from my race, you give me third and fourth looks, if you are someone from his race you still seem to accommodate more-thankyou! If you are an ignorant someone from his race, you like to call me “that little white girl” even on my fat days, yet I am Indian and I stand 5’6″ tall. It pinches, because you think I am nothing more than a light skinned girl-and that maybe he is dating me for my color.

If you are a guy from his race you look at me like I am fair game, and this hurts me even more, if you are a guy from any other race you are hell bent on to prove it to me that you are *big* down there too, and that is disgusting.

You have presumptions about me, because I am holding his hand. When you are a guy from my race, you think I am just playing around and that I am still fair game because I will never be serious about this dude, btw who told you that?

If you are an older person from my race you blatantly shake your head at me, as if I am committing a crime. I sincerely don’t need your judgments.

And you, yes you, the one I date, or I am dating, you doubt even my sincerest feelings for you sometimes, and that bloody hurts, your friends seem not to tell you otherwise, you call yourself “a huge waste of time” for me-and that hurts more than a thorn. Or when you think that I think that you are not good enough for me, when I am standing there doubting just whether I am even accepted in your damn heart, and maybe that gives me my weird expression. You think you are my fetish, that you are my ‘sexual experiment’, and even if its just a joke, that feels like an arrow thru my chest. I am aware of your color, I am aware of my skin too. We are only a few shades apart..

I have nothing against the guys of my race, nor do I have a thing for yours. Okay maybe I do, maybe I do like to date inter racially because I don’t like to bind myself to one kind. Yet, I just happen to be with you.

I just happen to be with him.

I just happen to be with him, because he makes me feel safe, because we laugh at the same things, because I can have a conversation with him without ever getting bored, I am with him because there is no dull moment between us, and even when we are laying un-groomed around his apartment, I still find him cute. Even when he hasn’t shaved in days or he packs in a few pounds, I still like him as much. I know what his every expression means, and he can read my mind. I like him because I can tell him anything, because I trust him. I think I like him because he is committed to his family and his work. And even though I am not religious myself, he is, and thats something I look for in a person I am with. I like him because he is a feminist. I like him because even on my bloated days, I go see him, and he looks at me like I am some goddess. Even when I am breaking out he doesn’t seem to care, if its broken he fixes it.

If it lacks luster. He polishes it.

And you know what, I leave it be like that, just so he can do it.

So next time you make a snippy comment, remember this, just because you are with your own race does not mean you will definitely have a successful relationship, the chances of you falling apart or making it as much as ours. And when you point one finger at me, remember three are pointing towards you.

And why are you still stuck in some medieval school of thought, if you don’t want to date inter-racially, just don’t! But don’t look at me in scorn 

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