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Archive for June, 2013

At high noons, and late nights
I tell myself, that hey
I am not attracted to such antics because they are illegal,
I am attracted to such antics because they are pretty
And I think, birds born in a cage will always think its a crime to fly
Because the view from the terrace of the building or the harbor or idk a private deck you were never supposed to climb is always more spectacular
The chances you took, were mostly all well worth it
Because the chances you took were the choices that became of you
And I will always do what I am not supposed to

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“I wear this ring, because I don’t need a man to buy me a ring, that, I can do. I know it is a bit intimidating. But either he matches the size of my diamond or he matches the size of my heart”
-Sush

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I finally drank one of the world’s most expensive teas. Tieguanyin!

Tieguanyin is an oolong tea, which are mostly the finest chinese teas. They have many varieties, but the one I got served was a rich reddish brown with a non-floral aroma. I may need to drink more tea to access and perfectly describe this beauty, but as I was told I was sipping the “Muzha Iron Goddess Tea” this is a stronger roast. The most intriguing thing about this tea, is that it can be brewed and re-brewed upto five times! Which means more bang for your buck.

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This will make sense when you will know that, this tea was priced(and prized) at approximately 34,000 INR(680 USD) for one kilogram approximately 1600 USD for a pound.

Tieguanyin is the world’s most rarest and most expensive tea.  

Holla I am a tea-sipper now. 

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1. Not use public bathrooms 

Hell to the fucking no, do not use public bathrooms in India. We know this, probably you don’t. Some nicer restraunts and bars may have reasonable restrooms, but still understand when are you trying to go. Is it the beginning of the happy hour? I don’t trust people anywhere in the world to be completely hygienic. But in some parts of the world I do expect a fully functional and stocked bathroom over the others. Unfortunately, India is not one of those countries..yet. 

2. Namste, or Pound the fist

There must be a legit reason, to namste I thought, and there was one! That was to avoid touching other people’s hands! Smart mofos! And what do I do where namste is too “Desi” where I would normally shake hands? I fist pound. You’d think I am cool, but I am really not, am just trying to avoid your germs. The hands go thru so much, and so much shit, literally. I don’t generally doubt that people wouldn’t wash their hands after using the bathroom, although I have heard the occasional, “I only peed” excuse. Which freaks me out because if you are a guy, you probably held your thing while peeing and if you are a girl you flushed the toilet after doing the deal, the same button or thing someone who took a dump pressed. Because we wash our hands after we get up. And even if you washed your hands, you still open the door knob with your hands. It is scary. Because someone might have not washed their hands and you are at a risk. So pound that fist. 

3. Don’t pay attention to bragging guys

Just don’t. Indian men will woo you to the point of insanity. There are only two types of men in Delhi, one who want to get into your pants and the other who wants to get into your pants. The only difference is one group will proactively drop hints, be outlandish about it and the other is a very small percentage of workaholics and shy men(dig these one out). It is the heat people, I swear, kamasutra wasn’t just invented here for no reason. It is true it makes us naughtier. Dressing modestly leaves too much to imagination and now we all have these men(and women) going insane on it. Don’t get into a dude’s car, especially if you are not from here. Don’t make eye contact in public or smile at random people, this is not what we do here. It is going to take some time for men to get a hold of the word “no” till then, ladies be careful and use your discretion. Do not respond to advances even at posh clubs, it doesn’t matter if you payed some twenty grands just to get in. The bigger the car, the huger the egos. There is no sense, move in your trusted friends and pretend everyone else doesn’t matter/exist. You want to meet the one? meet them thru your friends and trust their judgments(mostly). 

4. Don’t eat indian food in public. 

If you can’t fork it, knife it, spoon it or chopstick it. I’ll tell ya.. don’t eat it in public. Thats just my philosophy. If you really want to eat the great food this city offers, bring it home. Eat in your comfort zone, with clean hands. That’s my holy grail for you, if you are a non vegitarian refrain from eating your meat off off roadside joints, however popular. Our hands go thru so much that it is only smart to eat it with cutlery. Most restraunts are great, and provide an array of choices and I frankly don’t have any problem eating there, yet I am still vary about chappati and nans and puris, things I have to eat with my own hands.

5. Ignore poor people, domestic helps and waiters
The saddest thing about India is a poor man is not a human anymore, we overlook them, don’t tip them enough and think it is perfectly alrite for us to have another human being tend to our damn needs. I find it absurd, and I still type this laying on my couch while the house maid sweeps the floor, cleans my dirty dishes, does the laundry, cleans the floor in a squat postion with a hand mop. It is beyond pathetic. But as I continue my day where I will just head to the gym and probably lay around reading books and listening to music because my rich daddy cannot phantom the idea of me being in some entery-level job that pays peanuts and not even the gas for his expensive ass car, and I have to wait on from hearing from multiple referrals put in for me for about two more weeks. Sure, this woman who gets payed like less than peanuts must serve my royal ass, because I was born here and she was born someplace else. Sure, my mom will glare at me when I talk to my maid if she is a member of any kind of union. My mom who wouldn’t even mistreat her, still is vary of her having her rights. Yes mom, by all means, she’s not a woman, she can never get abused or molested in some other house she serves. Yes, we should all pretend and chant “it is what it is” I hate that line, and I always will.

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