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Archive for December, 2012

ImageI recently, and by recently I mean this afternoon, watched this movie,(Foreign Student, Eva Sereny, 1994), the protagonist Philip is a foreign student from France, who comes to America on a fellowship and falls in love with April, an African woman. As the movie is set in 1955, he goes thru somewhat of a forbidden interracial love, which is funny because it is still forbidden in this day and age. Being that it is 1955 the black and the whites community down south are very segregated, he is warned not to get himself entangled with a colored girl. But in the end he realizes his love for April is just something he can look back at, and it is doomed. It is, what it is.   

I am an international student, in a state school I am somewhat of a rare breed, everywhere I go they want to know how back home is like, how do I feel here, would I stay here or go back? By my third year they even forgot that I am not from here, that I am a foreigner. My friends back home think I am brave to take on this. Yes, it was one hell of an adventure. But lucky are those who have all their friends and their family in one place. 

As an international student, I feel most at home on airports, it gives me a calm, I am not here and I am not there, I am in transition, I look at everything differently, you could call me lost in translation. I have had amazing friends to talk about, great experiences, I am allowed everything, the language, the culture the awe, the flings, the hookups. But Love? Nope

As an international student, you can’t fall in love and nobody will fall in love with you. And you will look around in envy when you see lesser mortals succeeding in love but not you. When and if you fall in love with someone who is not from your race, you will be told “why can’t you find someone in your own race” friends won’t support, family will rejoice and say “god sent some sense to your head” when you breakup, hell you would doubt it a million times too.

When you are a foreign student, you have everything but love. You long to see all your loved ones at once place, but you know that can never happen, you know once you leave your friends will graduate and be in different countries, and it is never going to be the same. When you are a foreign student, your home doesn’t leave your heart and your heart doesn’t leave here. You just don’t know what to do with yourself.

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You broke my heart, you left me with no love to my name. And in all honesty I know had I done the same to you, and I was going thru what you are probably going thru you’d turn your back, and say this bitch deserves this. And incase you wouldn’t then baby I am even more sorry for us, because we are just another soulmates who could never workout. And somewhere down the road, you will realize the importance of love, and it would be too late. Because believe it or not, and I know you know this, life has a way of getting to you.

I feel sorry for myself, you and us. But mostly I know it is my fault, I choose the wrong person to give my heart to. But I still think about you, I hope that you are okay, even thou I know you wouldn’t have cared for me. But thats the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone.

And maybe you’re only allotted a certain amount of tears per man; and I’ve used mine up. (SATC)

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