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Archive for November, 2012

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1. Get professional nude pictures done

2. Backpack Europe

3. Get fluent in Italia

4. Start Cooking delicious food >.<

5. Audi R8 before I am 30, which means my business is BUSINESS

 

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I can’t be in a long distance relationship with family or love, because when the flight ends and the door shuts behind them loneliness sets in. 

I am a happy camper, I will travel 17 hours just to see those happy faces, spend time with them, fight, have arguments, love, give, take, cook together, do absolutely nothing, do a lot etc. But when it all ends, and they drop me off at the airport or the bus station, and I am fine on the journey too, mostly. But once I get home, it hits me like a bolt, I am lonely without them.

Don’t call me pretty or beautiful because what is my prettiness if my father’s eyes can’t see it, my mother’s can’t be proud and my lover is not caressing it? Is it just for strangers to see? 

I can’t be a in a long distance relationships with my family and friends and love because while being with these people make me the happiest person, being away makes me miserable. As soon as my unpack my vacation bag, my sadness kicks in. I have a life, I have school, roommates who like me a lot, but why is it so separate from the people i love? 

While we argue, geography is not the boss of us anymore, but unless there is an assurance to see them again soon, I mostly find it difficult to keep going. And it drives me crazy.

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Have you ever sat in solitude, and thought about your beliefs?

I was born to religious people, they pray every morning for an hour, they are even influential characters at the place of their worship and community. And although they called me for the morning prayers and I obeyed, they never forced their faith on me.

In college I ranged from an atheist to an agnostic, and now here I am a believer at last.

A full circle. But i had to be others before being a believer.

But what do I ask still? Does it even know I exist? Like what a fly is to us, is that how I am to it. And I say ‘it’, because to me god can’t have a gender, to me it is a power, a power that bring an order to this chaos. And I think although a lot of things happen in randomness, and we are yet fools of randomness a lot of this randomness has set logical patterns. That sometimes we had to be at certain places, or life would have been different. Kind of like Happenstance. 

But are my worries, and my dreams of any significance to God? because in the grand scheme of things I am just a dust particle, getting to live life. I cannot say my existence doesn’t matter, but the lack of me wouldn’t have made much of a difference as well.
And here my cinephilia shall emerge again as I will say kind of like Its a Wonderful Life, a lack of my existence would have changed a lot. 

Then the theory goes that god lies within me, or it is watching over me, it is above and beyond me. But of all of this, all I really want to know is whether it even knows me?

Is it aware of my existence? is the pattern of my happiness and sadness just another blueprint from it’s grand book applied to me randomly. Are the naddis really right? is there a leaf somewhere that says it all about me? And that there is nothing really original to my existence.

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My every wish

Lately I have been getting everything

Everything I have been wishing for

I wish for you

And I wish for true love too

And maybe thats the reason am not getting you

Because lately whatever I have been laying my hands on

I have been getting it on

Yeah, I have been getting it on

All those dreams that I have had

And now they are getting realized

They all realize

I can taste it in their voices now

And I understand

maybe its not my time

Maybe god has a grander plan

Maybe he doesn’t want me to fall in love,

thats for sure

Because,

Lately I have been getting everything

Everything I have been wishing for

Maybe I wished for true love too hard,

And maybe thats why you are far

3 months and I haven’t kissed a guy yet

and I have gone rouge

But I don’t worry

because heavens got plans for me

maybe its not my time yet with you

Because,

Lately I have been getting everything

Everything I have been wishing for

Except for you

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