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Archive for March, 2011

I first got to know about the term “Jungle Fever” when I was dating a guy, who told me his friends joked that I was his jungle fever (he was Caucasian, and since I am East-Indian, I had a relatively darker skin). I ofcourse googled it, initially, the whole idea of a term like that was quiet ridiculous to me.

It is also common for guy friends from our own race to get protective and defensive and even angry about us dating outside our race, but they should understand it is nothing personal. By choosing someone else we are not rejecting everyone else, or our own race altogether, we are just simply choosing to be with someone we are interested in. And today they are african, tomorrow they could be someone else.

I have too often heard that white men punish white women who have dated black men by not dating them, or an Indian guy would never marry me or date me just because I had an African boyfriend. Sorry to break this to the generalizers out there, this is all utter crap. Nobody really gives a shit. And those who do, thanks for eliminating yourselves!


The 1991 Spike Lee’s movie touches the subject of attraction between a black man(Wesley Snipes) and a white woman(Annabella Sciorra), often termed as “Jungle Fever” and the taboos surrounding it. The movie depicts how the two are laughed at, judged and even disdained by friends.

If I mustered up enough courage and confessed that, I am mostly attracted to men of African decent, being an East-Indian woman I would be either categorized as someone whose just trying to rebel against her conservative Indian parents or is just a big-cock lover.
Not only can I not say the forbidden out loud to the rest of the world, a rough seventy-five percent of the times I am with a black man, he also bases my attraction to him as a fetish of sorts. I am constantly teased and ridiculed that “she likes it big”. It is a very vulgar generalization. I am too often asked to ‘justify’ my preference. I must have my defenses up. And this aspect of my sexuality is often targeted, even among friends, when it comes to insulting me for something.

Since this is a blog, and I use a pseudonym I get to say it here, I am none of the above, and for the record I do have plenty non-black men who are sexually attracted to me. And it’s not about a guy’s privates that draws a girl towards him. It is as simple as a preference of brunet over blond or breasts versus the butt, which can again be called shallow. But beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. If am not initially attracted to you, due to one or more of your physical traits, face it, I am not going to come over and strike a conversation, or respond convincingly to an approach for that matter; this goes without saying for men and women across the world.

If a black man truly thinks his USP is his dick size, he is obviously selling himself short, and is very shallow with his self-evaluation. I will not deny however, for a one night stand, it could be the main criteria, and well big boobs and nice ass is also a criteria in those grounds. The difference is, one doesn’t have to rely on stereotypes for the same, a girl’s breasts and ass are pretty much there for a quick evaluation, but on the other hand, for a woman, she will rely on the stereotypes for men.

Yet from a dating point of view, it is much more in a good black man that draws women towards him. In general I have found, atleast from the college setting from where I dwell, African men tend to be more athletic, and while at school are more focused and driven. They pay attention to the woman they are with, and do cater to her every need. They represent masculinity to its optimum. The mentioned traits will attract most women to men. Now let me come down to the dirt of it all, aesthetics, I will confess I like the smooth royal dark skin a black man has, his hair which is scant on his body and also the way he handles a woman, is intoxicating. My color against his, creates this beautiful contrast which is a moving art in itself. I also get to be what I want to be, without being judged. When one dates inter-racially there is an openness in the relationship, an obvious willingness to open yourself to someone else and understanding the other person, and where they are coming from. In contrast to an intra-racial, where a lot is taken for granted. There is just so much more to learn and assimilate from an inter-racial interaction. I do not advocate that inter-racial relationships are better than intra, they are just different yet very similar.

Being an East Indian woman, I have been appreciated for my very smooth skin, my sunshine complexion, my hair, my deep eyes, the right amount of curves and also my nurturing side. It’s almost embedded in us, from the beginning to be natural nurtures, some people go to the extent of calling an indian woman the symbol of feminism. So when the african man and an indian woman comes together, it’s almost yin and yang. It’s an explosion, and there is so much mystery and chemistry. Let’s face it, african men, are relatively stronger, and when they get to handle an indian girl, they are usually at their best behavior.

I will confess however, that I am labelled something I am not, that I am asked for and about my preferences, something nobody does to people who are dating within their own race, but it bugs me even more, when a guy I truly like doubts my liking for a fetish. It is ridiculous, a skin color, a hair type, a body type can get a few people attracted to other people but it won’t necessarily keep them going, unless ofcourse they see something in them.

It also becomes easy for a friend in whom I was never interested, not because of his race but because of some other things, like his personality, to simply say “she didn’t date me because I am not black” when in fact I didn’t date him because he was a douche bag! and even ward of potential guys by saying the same. Distasteful!

Author’s Note: If you liked this entry also checkout https://kshity.wordpress.com/2013/02/12/interracial-dating/

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