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Archive for June, 2010

Why the couch?

Have you ever sensed the deep abhorrence the couch gets in our modern society. A husband and wife has a tiff, the husband ends up on the couch. The casting couch. Or your therapist’s couch for that matter, and this is exactly where my idea originated. I am not a student of psychology, and I have never browsed thru a book by Sigmund Freud, but it is rumored that he used to use this particular couch when he used during psychoanalytic sessions. So what is with people and couch?

here’s the couch..

If you’ve ever been to therapy you will understand what am trying to say. Last fall, I self diagnosed myself and came up with a mild case of bipolar (yes yes I used those internet quizzes, go on laugh at me). But it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy of sorts, you start doubting your best friends, you can’t even take a compliment nicely. You doubt everyone, and the whole world. It is all of a sudden a sad place to be. I finally made that appointment, I sat there waiting on my therapist.

As I entered the room I was seated on a couch, I was asked if I wanted to lie down, I didn’t. While she sat on a hard wooden slightly cushioned chair. As I sat in that couch, I sank in it, the room was not so brightly lit, they had put a tissue box right by the couch. I felt as if I was being manipulated into feeling sad, and blurt out my feelings. And that is exactly what happened. I ended up having a tear eye too. I usually don’t cry, it just doesn’t come naturally to me. Anyway this therapist was too keen, it was only our first meeting, I didn’t understand.

Ofcourse its her profession, I well understand that. But here is this woman, who probably read a little survey I filled before entering her office and that is all she knows about me. How can she care this much. Obviously its a pretend, well its synonymous to professionalism here. Whatever it is, I understand, but I also understood that someone I just meet, cannot cure me or pull me out of this whatever imaginary thing i have thought up about myself.

Later, I confessed to a friend how I was feeling and she bluntly replied, therapy is the american way of capitalizing on your emotions. I will say, it hurts like hell when someone close to you says that. I also pushed her telling her how rude she was. But I knew she was right.

I gave it a thought, the dim lit room, the tissue by the couch, the couch itself, their million different diagnoses, sharing feelings (anyone can get vulnerable at the hands of someone they just shared their feelings and experiences with) -heck, what a cycle! I never thanked my friend for being so blunt, yet I truly treasure the moment.

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They say it is not the destination, but the journey that makes all the difference. I also believe that mostly our experiences are subject to our state of mind and how receptive it is, you can’t send a lonely mind to a party or a lively one amid some serene place. Its all about matching you mood, and deriving the experiences hence. I took a train once, to Bangalore it was called holiday express, and trust me it was a holiday in itself. I guess that was my first journey alone, I needed time off from Delhi, and wanted a long vacation. I never really explain why I am doing certain things, its just that at that time I told my parents I needed inspiration. I can be very persuasive when really I want to be. Truth be told, I really was seeking inspiration, a change of scenery all for the heck of it. I was naive enough to think myself as some song-writer in those days.

I don’t really remember what day of the week it was, but definitely march, I sat in the train, I had got it booked since I thought I would be in bangalore in about 24 hours, with my calculation I was going to be there the following evening, as I sat there someone instigated a chat, it wasn’t long before I realized that I was actually gonna reach B’lore not the following evening, but that of the next day! too bad the train was already moving. I remember, at that point I thought maybe I should call up my parents and tell them to arrange a return ticket for me from the next station. Yet for some reason, I did not. Maybe the fifteen year old me was intrigued by that stranger sitting right across, who btw kept sleeping all the way and got down at mid-way. Damn! There goes my first love, I thought to myself. Haha I was just kidding. I didn’t call because I love trains, unlike planes well unless you travel first class, and I regularly can’t do that, in trains you have the liberty to move around. And lie on your back. There’s nothing better than that constant motion you experience in trains and ships. Its like our mothers cradling us, lovingly, putting us to a deep slumber. Whenever i come back from a cruise now, I can’t sleep normally in my bed, I am so used to the constant rocking of the ship. Same used to be when I used to travel trains. I hate how we have become too fast and too eager to get to the destinations these days, that no one really takes the train.

Although this train didn’t serve food, I relied on the station food, which was quiet pathetic, and ended up eating potato chips for 48 hours! Ofcourse diahrrea hit me once I reached B’lore. Bangalore is as unlike Delhi, as it can be. But you do get the burnt of being a north indian. This rivalry between the Aryans and the Dravidians doesn’t come as a surprise. it is expected, we all know it. But it does shake you a little when you experience it first hand. I had my first racist experience in Bangalore, I don’t revisit things that have disturbed me in the past. Zora Hurston once wrote in her book titled Their Eyes were watching God “Now, women forget all those things they don’t want to remember, and remember everything they don’t want to forget. The dream is the truth. Then they act and do things accordingly.” …so apt.. and truly true of woman. Woman are the best when it comes to fooling their hearts. Any which way, but I love bangalore nevertheless, the family I stayed with was an old intellectual one, I think interesting stories written by Ruskin Bond and such came from, looking at them. I have never felt so much at home and at ease anyplace else. In three days I left for Ooty, a small hill station in Tamil Nadu.

I can’t recollect for some reason, that wheather I took a plane, a train or hit the road to get there. But I got there. It truly is the queen of hill stations, my dad had booked a private cottage for me at the far end in the line, and my caretaker lived with me there to prepare meals and etc. I had never been any place more serene in my whole entire life. I remember sitting in that small courtyard upfront just trying to take in the mesmerizing view. It brought in an inner peace in me, and I was introduced to the finest home made coffee there was. The very kind lady who took care of me, would make masala papadm and delicious dals as if my senses weren’t on a grand feast already! Walking barefooted absorbing that morning dew, and breathing in an air so pure was like myy dream come true. Srinagar, later has only been one place that could come to the comparison of this. It was not about the beauty of this place, it was about the fact that it was untouched, not commercialized like many other places. It was quiet, sometimes so quiet inside the cottage that I could hear the sound of silence. I have never experienced that ever again. I stayed there for half a month, had to return to school. I still remember walking up the road accompanying her to buy the groceries for the house. Reading almost five novels in that short period of time, and actually contemplating distance learning and staying there for good.

Ofcourse, we have to wake up from our finest dreams. And so we do, jut so we can go in for better bigger experiences.

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I am sitting here in my room, and my head is drifting away to a place. That little motel room in miami, and no I din cry out “I am in miami bitch” feeling the vibe, I step out, the espanol invasion, men keen on cat calling, women dressed in bares. Its south beach, they say it doesn’t get better than this, and I really see why. A MILF walks by, she holds my attention, a black dude holds my gaze… heck I enter a bank for some money drawing and the cashier there is vibing too. Heck, what is this place? We are just walking in our flip flops, feeling the warm miami air, in mid november. And here I am, tattoo shops, textile merchandise, furniture shops, small eating places… and the best part is, they think am spanish! Me and my friend decide on exploring the city even more, we’ll leave south beach for the nite, lets drift away a bit now, we take the bus. We start talking with the locals, trying to get the feel of the place and the people. An old man walking towards the exit, looks at me and makes a peculiar gesture with his hand and eye. Later I found out, that he was asking me to be alert. I am a solo traveler, I like it better, in groups I really can’t stand people running late, or taking a consensus on almost everything. One person is easier to convince or get convinced by. We get down at the mall, because my friend wants to shop, I don’t get the point of visiting malls, specially when time is scarce, heck you are gonna buy something from express here, and I will find the same thing in new york or even back home.. lets just roam around and interact with the locals. Eat the delicacies of the place, and later groove to some good music. Well, we did all of that, and more. I do choose my people carefully. I was told to check out Mango, amazing amazing place. I stand there in awe with the copper sculpture at the mojito room. And then the clock stuck 12 and volllaaa I am officially 21!! Our private party which included a few more people had a little too much fun, some memories there.

We obviously woke up, with heavy heads and drifting souls. Clothed, yet naked from the whole experience. I had done something no body normal does, its unmentionable here. Haha.. we move on, we sleep the whole day. The following day we were to sail for the bahamas, so me and my friend decided to check out the jazz in the park, a hostel for travelers below 25 years of age. Well, never check out the rooms before checking in, in this one, we did, and almost backed out. But the risky travelers we are, we said heck yes, who is going to sleep in those beds anyway. But Jazz in the park, is one place thats truly vibbin with spirit, mostly young europeans touring america stay at these cheap places, yet its interestingly designed. Its is small, but the whole place is buzzing. We have a wide grin, which was soon wiped of our faces when it came to shower time…. ahhh lets just say we both passed, the dry shampoos did the trick. And we were all set to have another nite of our life, obviously not quiet like the one before. we roam around a bit, street after street, and finally settled for a sub at a local subway. The people forever asking my friend where is she from, they were taking me for a local and I was indeed liking it. the only giveaway, my not so spanish diction. The beaches of miami are beautiful, but we hadn’t known what beautiful was until we got to bahamas, but that is another chapter. I am a sunset junkie, I try to catch atleast one sunset wherever I go. After the sunset we fooled around in the streets for a bit and then headed back, got ready and left for a party by the beach. I think we barely got back at 3 in the morning and slept (yes on those beds!) for about two hours, we were sailing today. My love for pancakes without syrup originated here, we came outta our rooms to find breakfast being served, who passes a free coffee(ateast I am the last one who will) and pancakes were an added bonus, I don’t mind, only they were being offered with sugar, i said no, and hence discovered my new love for things plain and simple. Truly, I don’t care much about the garnishing now, on my pancakes and otherwise. Later we hired a driver who took us to our port, I have been to over half a century destinations, maybe more than ten countries in my lifetime (and I haven’t been to Europe so you can imagine),yet Miami is truly my best. I have never felt this energy anyplace else.

and oh am back again… from my thoughts, but I’ll smell miami wherever I want, whenever I want, it has such an effect. Like an intoxicating lover.

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Firstly, a disclaimer I am not some sexist feminist, this is just an innocent examination of a disposition. Ohk, so nothing really is innocent. Yet, recently enough I was having one of my coffee chats with my very interesting friend. And he said if the world didn’t have men, it would be full of fat happy woman. I gave it a thought.

And I conclude, that’s absolutely wrong. In all honesty, yes men can cause a lot of havoc in our lives, yet they are also preventing a ‘vanity overflow’. Infact I don’t think I would be able to survive a world with just woman, well, that is perhaps different than saying I won’t be able to live in world without men(which is also true). Indeed if men wouldn’t share the world with us, we would actually get really mad and jealous. Think about it, mostly everyone competes to get to something, now if we remove that something, its a forever competition. Ohk so an argument arises that there shouldn’t be any competition if there is nothing to compete for. But we forget an important point, people compete for attention, which could be different kinds and of different degrees. Yet everyone is competing for appreciation and attention, at some degree with some differences. I would like to be appreciated that I write deep, or my friend loves it when you tell her she is the hottest thing walking around, my another friend would pride himself for being the ‘go-to guy’ and etc etc.

A world without men, would actually be malicious. There would be a vanity overflow, yeah we might get those four days off every month and bloating might be a national issue, people would openly blame PMS for everything went wrong, women might pay more attention to their vaginas(a poll says around a shocking 75% women haven’t properly seen their own vaginas!) than just their other assets, and there would be too much talking for even me to handle. Thank whoever put the both sexes together, who else do you expect to be oh-so-nice, open all the doors, give out discounts, free coffees, moreover I don’t think there would be any ‘ladies enter free’ if men didn’t exist and how can we forget orgasms, if nothing else men can be thanked for that.

But I will be shallow in saying that, because they also and most definitely make great friends, fathers, boyfriends, lovers, husbands, brothers and why yes they do make a difference. Lets not be sexist. The famous saying goes, it doesn’t matter which side does the hating, hating is hating.

ohk i lie.

PS: In the battle of the sexes, I feel bad for the transgenders. Quiet unfair (please, no pun intended)

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its 2:00 am, im on my twitter
“Some ppl tell me God is a delusion. Well, rather be deluded by that than my own ego.”

I see it for a moment, I read it like twice. There is no hidden depth to it, so simply put. Well it won’t sit well with my engl 15 prof if I didn’t list my source, it was a tweet by Chetan Bhagat, yes I follow him!

I thought, and I thought, I have been an atheist for a long time now, and trust me its difficult, for example just before an exam it really doesn’t make sense for me to pray and all you know. Nor do I get the free wishes on eyelashes, shooting stars, red mail vans etc. Its hard to wish for on anything, once you stop believing in a supreme power. I won’t credit Mr. Bhagat for a soul change here, since I have been obviously thinking about it for a long time, but yes definitely hes a stimuli or rather his statement. I was born into Jainism, well I won’t say its the hardest religion there is, but the principles you are asked to follow if you truly want to follow the religion are quiet hard. As in the case of any other religion I am guessing. The cor of jainism is sacrifice, a life deprived of worldly pleasures is sorted.

What I fail to understand is, why if “are choosing to be deluded by a supreme power” we are making it a harsh one. Why do we imagine that there is someone up there who has all these rules, and we got to follow them. Heck, he even has a list, and if we fail to follow, we burn in hell. Or why is it so that we have to give up everything, to lead a religious life. Isn’t there a difference between simplicity and sacrifice?

Maybe the people who make-believe that supreme power could have been a bit lenient with the dogmas imposed. I mean, come on, maybe we are just sent here to have a really great time. Earth is a beautiful place to be, so many different places, so many variety of people, food, experiences, heck why would I be sent in a room full of desserts and be told I am diabetic? It just doesn’t make any sense at times.

Another possibility that I rule out, is that of scarcity. Ofcourse everything is in scarcity, and to control our consumption we have been maybe deluded to think that, that which we choose to be deluded by aka. Mr. God, wants us not to consume, or to consume in moderation..

to be contd..

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Wolllllaaaa ….iPhone 4G is gonna hit the stacks soon. And so far the reviews are rolling and they are awesome.

Welcome yourself to the 4G era, treat yourself with the perfect phone- an iPhone! Apple co. has once again proved that not only are they going to be ahead of the game, but they will stand by their promise of delivering magic. I remember when I first layed my hands on a Mac Book Pro, I knew then, that I will never go back. My iPod changed the way I listened to music, with itunes I no longer had to walk to the music store and browse thru tedious lanes and enquire about the latest from the store manager. Apple changes everything. With the introduction of iPhone a few years back, although intrigued by its numerous apps and all I saw it as a recurring expense. I clearly remember paying a 400 dollar bill!

lust it

But iPhone 4G is the best there is, I practically cannot find a fault here! and for those few who are cribbing about its shape, well back off! it looks sturdy and only weighs 4.4 ounces (0.275 pounds) this 4.5 inch beauty with OLED screen is gonna set other cell phones ablaze.

iPhone’s video calling(popularly known as FaceTime Video calling) is spectacular and something that a lot of us have been lusting after… remember the CISCO add?. The graphics on this phone are supposed to amazing with a 960-640 retina display which means we have more pixels on the same screen, almost 4 times the pixels before!!! iPhone 4G makes it easy to film, edit and distribute videos all with one device; with the two way camera, it is bringing to the table that which we have never had before. Its going to change we call, the way we communicate, the way we shoot our videos. Finally, brilliance has been delivered 😀

You know its more than a phone, when its an iPhone!

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Brief and nice

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